It was only an hour ago I learnt of my grandmothers death. She passed away today. I accept that she was old and it had been years since she was actually herself. While I lived in Saskatoon I visited her, probably not as often as I should have. But there was many a times I would show up and feed her supper or lunch, she wasn't the same. At first it was really hard to overcome the fact that the once; happy-go-lucky grandmother of mine was now unable to remember to swallow, and it had been a few years since she had also lost her speech.
I do remember the good things though, the things that make me smile. Like how she would always have smarties for me when I visited, or how she'd take me out into her garden and show me her plants and flowers. We used to go for walks together and when I was little she used to pull me in one of those old red wagons, I remember us always having to clean it out from where it sat under the pine tree. My favorite was how generous she was, always teaching me things or showing me cool things like how to play the organ, or how to plant plants. She always played barbies with me growing up and I remember a bath at grandma's house wasn't a bath unless the tea set was in the bathtub with me.
Growing up the youngest grandchild of 9 was awesome and crappy all at once. I was always spoiled, that was the good part. But the bad part now is the fact that my older cousins have almost all gotten married or had kids and my grandparents got to see that and be there for it. I know it's the poor me attitude but that's just how I feel.
Along the lines of feelings, the amount that hit me once I was told she's gone, is like a tidal wave. Sadness is a big one, also the feeling of wanting to be left alone. Also this shaking that my body is doing can stop at anytime.
RIP Grandma. I will always remember and love you
Hugs, Megan!
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